Andy Clark is a comedian and writer living in Portland, Oregon. He’s been a writer and actor on Portland’s longest running live late night talk show, a semifinalist in Portland’s Funniest Person Contest multiple years, and a state champion Bocce Ball player. When not tossing the old balls around, Andy can be found telling jokes all over Portland and attempting to contribute to channel 101 where his TV Pilots are consistently rejected.
There is a lot of special stuff about me. My blood type is O Negative. This means I am in the unique position to give blood to anyone. I am what is called a, “Universal Donor.” What’s the advantage of being a “Universal Donor?” It’s simple. With the ultimate power to restore life saving blood to anyone in need, I am what we call a “Modern Day God.” Being a “Modern Day God” is an important job because a small sect of people now worship me unconditionally. Before I give any of my disciples my blood, they shower me with gifts like Frankincense, Myrrh, and Blockbuster gift cards. They believe that only through a strict combination of interpretive dance and ingesting my blood will they be able to achieve Nirvana. Anyways, something special about me is that I’m not from Ohio.